i think of you every day

you are the cross-stitch

in my guts

and i cry for us

the marks of which

crucified within me

i hold like a madonna

and i cry, tetelestai

forgive me for

my innocence

the way i broke

the heart of you

forgive me for

the love i gave

and poured like blood

into your veins

forgive me for

god forsakenness

which heralds only

our doubt indubitable

forgive me for the kisses spent

and lost in lines of narrative

forgive me for the noah’s ark

that carried us away

towards the flood

i held you within

a pure hope

glory was in this

simpleness

you held my hand

we held the way

like christ, the truth

the life and us

and we reached

separating fathoms

of hell with our arms

and you were all good

and all the kern of beauty

and how i held, love

and held, love

and held

you were my sanity

the drumming beat

of constancy, you

were the leaven

of the holy bread

and eucharistic

element, you gave

grace and grace upon

that grace upon

and i have never

moved beyond this

terrifying grace

the day you stopped

and massacred me

i was all you knew

i was and more

and i deserved

the loss of you

for i am loss

and always been

and you ended me

and cut me off

from grace in me

and i have never since

seen any light

nor seek again

for once grace

has been

she never comes again